That random journal by that random girl

An open letter to the Internet

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 01:18:12 GMT

Yeah, my journal's going Friends Only. I didn't want to do this, in fact, I avoided it for as long as possible. I used to have it public for Simon, who didn't always post with his LJ account, and for the random people passing by. I had a good time talking randomly with Arancaytar from Spiderweb forums, and with Eli Dupree, who found my journal via a Google search, but I guess those days are over. Recent events has shown me this is no longer an option. While I respect the individual in question, I had rather thought he'd have respected my wishes better than this.

Maybe in a few years, I can open this back up to the public. 'Til then, it's been fun, y'all. May you have more sunshine than storms, an abundance of laughter and good music, and God's still small voice directing your feet onwards in this life.

Best,
Sarah/Arcblade/that random girl

An open letter to American culture

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 19:16:21 GMT

Dear American Popular Culture,

FUCK YOU.

Y'know what, Culture? I'm sick of your BS. I hate you, and a lot of what you are. When did the Lord God declare that only the anorexic hourglass figure is beautiful in women? I am a pear. I'm sick to death of you telling me I'm ugly and worthless as a person because I'm a few pounds overweight. I was born to grow broad shoulders and a sturdy frame, and I have just as much right to be beautiful as the slim models you push into horrible lifestyles for your twisted agenda.

Tell me, Culture, when was it set in stone that if you don't have love, you have nothing? That I don't mean anything if I don't have a boyfriend, and I can't be happy without one? That everyone without a significant other is to be pitied, and the situation remedied as soon as possible? When did that get popular? When did people start believing it? Never mind that I've had a hard enough time dealing with the various romances and romances-that-might-have-been in the last few years. Never mind that the kind of relationships you promote are unhealthy and end in tears and emotional baggage after a few months anyway. None of that matters, because I NEED a boyfriend, apparently.

When did the Lord God say "Thou shalt always smile nicely at everyone you know in passing, say hi, greet them by name, and make small talk?" I have shitty days, Culture, and I will tell you right now, after about two people on the sidewalk back from classes, I am ready to go hide in my bedroom and not come out 'til dinner. What if I can't remember peoples' names the vast majority of the time? Is it somehow my fault that I have poor memory for names and faces? And all the nice people I barely know walking down the sidewalk just shake their heads and think I'm rude. Or that something's wrong with them. So now I squeeze out smiles and try to twist them to look real, while I cringe and fume because I can't remember that nice person's name. Completely unnecessary.

Finally, Culture, I think your clothing rules are worthless. They're like the little height checker next to the amusement park rides: You MUST be THIS dressed up to enter society! And if I dress in a way that I think reflects who I am, and it doesn't match what you expect of me, you and everyone under your influence think there's something wrong with me. That I'm dangerous. That somehow, my worth is diminished if I don't look just like everyone else. I think something's wrong with you, and all of your yuppies. All dressing the same, all striving to look the best, I think you've turned them all into SHEEP, instead of human beings.

In conclusion, drop dead. I hate you with the fiery passion of a thousand suns.

Sincerely,
Sarah

The Passover Game, and why today is a good day

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:45:54 GMT

Today is gonna be a good day.

The Passover (the overpass from KE to main campus) has a game that I and a few others play as we walk over and back every day. While crossing the bridge, we walk directly over East Beltline, which has four lanes of traffic. As I pass over each lane of traffic, I check to see if any cars would have run me over if I were walking directly on the road.

There's no particular point system, but the larger and more exotic the vehicle I get hit by, the better I feel the day is going to be (because I didn't actually get hit).

Today, I got hit by an EMT ambulance. :D Today is a good day.

Free software!

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 14:47:04 GMT

Apparently Calvin just joined some kind of Microsoft program that gets the staff and students in CS and Engineering Departments free Microsoft software. Not Office, but XP, Vista, and Windows 7, along with some coding software I may just yoink merely 'cause it's free.

It's funny, though, because now I have a copy of Windows XP Professional. And it was free. And legal. This is ironic, because maybe 2 weeks ago I finished installing/setting up a bootlegged copy of XP Home on a partition in my laptop. And y'know, if I'd just waited, I could have had it legally, easily, and not had to use a DVD to burn stuff on. Or had to fiddle with that stupid WPA kill application because the dratted thing wouldn't validate.

Think maybe God's trying to tell me something here. Heh.

Why I don't name my stuff

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 16:33:35 GMT

I realized this vaguely awhile ago, since I do most of my processing in my head, but I figured other people, who find my insistence that I NOT name my stuff perplexing, may want to know. That last sentence was horrible grammar.

Anyway, I don't name my stuff because I consider it merely an extension of myself. My car, for instance, is not me, but allows me to almost grow wheels and reach speeds I could only dream of running. The same idea applies to my computer. It extends my capabilities. It is not my beloved friend who has accompanied me through several years of my life: it is like my hands, or my legs, or perhaps more aptly, like portions of my brain.

There are portions of the brain that deal with specific body parts and specific human capabilities. Damage the temporal lobe, and you'll have issues with the things it deal with. But you don't name the temporal lobe "John" or "Leslie" or even "Alexander the Great." It's just "the temporal lobe."

Hence, I don't name my stuff.

If crazy, then ?

Sat, 01 Aug 2009 13:25:53 GMT

Dream:

Went to work with Dad, was partially mixed with Lament- picked up various dusts/sands, used geology skill to ID them: some were gold, some diamond. Wandered around in what was supposed to be his workplace and was really more like a mine. The people ignored me. He talked to someone important at some point, my dad mostly ignored me too.

Then I went to Calvin. I was part of a raid on hotel/Heimenga Hall/President's house, which was located where the Commons Annex is. I don't know what they were trying to get, but I had to bring a full backpack of stuff, plus my laptop case. They got in, but the opening was too small for me to get through, despite Lou-kun getting through, so I stayed outside as sentry. I think I assigned the reason I couldn't get through to my thighs and bum, on which the majority of my weight is stored.

They bumbled around in there for awhile and turned on the light, but finally they needed my pocket knife, which had somehow turned into a Swiss Army knife. However, I must have lost it while at my dad's workplace, 'cause it wasn't in any of my stuff. I tried giving them my two smaller pocket knives, but they weren't good enough and my team just threw them on the ground in disgust. They griped at me and said they couldn't go any further, but eventually stopped talking at me. I guess they must have gone back to work. I peered in there once and saw what I thought were prisoners, standing guard with shovels, while someone dug at the floor. And I didn't see my team.

About that time, a moderately weighted Asian girl showed up. She kind of hung back from the window where everyone had gotten in, but it was obvious she'd noticed what was going on. I asked her not to tell, and she said she wouldn't. To try to pass the time, I asked her name, which she declined to give. I figured, out loud, that it was probably just as well because I couldn't give her mine. Then I asked her major, still trying to use small talk to make the situation less awkward. I forget what she said. Then another Asian girl showed up, who did give her name. Which I have forgotten, but it wasn't Asian sounding.

Anyway, having gotten another unwelcome visitor, I noticed a crowd forming further away where people walked and decided it was time to split. So, abandoning pretenses, I yelled into the still-lighted window (the only lit one on that level and the two above it too- obvious, anyone?). I gathered up my stuff and got my two tiny swiss army knives back. My team got out fine and left.

Before I left, I froze the two Asian girls and tried to hack their forum accounts. This was to give them something else to worry about. I failed on the first one, but the second was easy. When I had access, I glanced at the front page of the forum, which was in bright colors, mainly blue. I didn't actually want to do damage, so I randomly clicked a username that had posted recently, with the assumption that whoever it was would also look like they were hacked. I left the screen on that user lookup, then unfroze the girls and made about leaving. One of the two girls started lamenting loudly about the username, something like, "Noooo, magic_fuzzy_bumper_bear!"

Walking back from the failed raid, I saw former President Dubya and his former White House staff walking around as security in warpaint and military fatigues. They ignored me, which was nice, although the former President did look at me, so I smiled at him and walked away. I think I remember thinking he wasn't so bad.. why, I'm not sure.

Then I heard someone talking with Dubya about President-y stuff, so I looked back and saw it was Obama. I then tried to walk fast enough to keep ahead of them, but slow enough that I could still hear them. Presidents talking to Presidents, y'know? Could be interesting. About that time I realized my pants were hanging down, exposing my posterior regions, so I surrepticiously tried to fix that. Failing, I let the people I was listening to walk by, only to notice that it was no longer Obama that Dubya was speaking to, but some secretary of state or something. I was disappointed, but still couldn't fix my clothes.

Right about then, I woke up.

The BBC didn't factor in high school, apparently

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 16:58:39 GMT

The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up?

Instructions: Copy this into your NOTES. Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read. Tag other book nerds.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen -
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien- X
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte -
4 Harry Potter series - [All 7] - X
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee - X
6 The Bible- X (yes, I read it cover to cover)
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte -
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell - X
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman - X
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens- X

Total: 7

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott - X
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy-
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller -
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare -
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier -
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien - X
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk -
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger - X
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger-
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot -

Total: 3

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell -
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald - X
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens -
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy -
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams - X
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky -
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck -
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll- X
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame-

Total: 3

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy -
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens-
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis -X
34 Emma-Jane Austen -
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen -
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis -X
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini - X
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres -
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden-
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne - X

Total: 4

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell - X
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown - X
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquis-
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving-
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins -
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery- X
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy -
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood -
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding - X
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan-

Total: 4

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel-
52 Dune - Frank Herbert - X
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons-
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen-
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth -
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon -
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens - X
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley - X
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon-
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez -

Total: 3

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck - X
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov-
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt -
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold -
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas- X
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac -
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy -
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding-
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie -
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville - X

Total: 3

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens-
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker-
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett - X
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson -
75 Ulysses - James Joyce-
76 The Inferno – Dante- X
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome -
78 Germinal - Emile Zola -
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray-
80 Possession - AS Byatt –

Total: 2

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens -
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell -
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker-
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro -
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert -
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry -
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White - X
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom -
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle- X
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton-

Total: 2

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad - X
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery - X
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks -
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams- X
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole -
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute-
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas-
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare- X
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl- X
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo-

Total: 5

Grand Total: 36

oh dreams...

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 14:20:05 GMT

So I transferred to a new school. It felt like high school, but it must have been some mix between that and college. There were dorms. Avery was there. I forget how it was that I came to transfer, because there was stuff about that. I had incredible trouble finding where to park my car. I think Church of the Servant was involved somehow. And there was a huge swimming pool, or was it a river? I went swimming with a guy, anyway. There wasn't a current to fight, but I think the water wasn't manmade. I wish I remembered more about this.

Anyway, I somehow ended up being the center of attention while I talked to this girl. I ended up promising to find her blue and green striped pen. She didn't believe me at first, that I would, but I felt like I owed her for some reason, so I argued with her in front of everyone until she believed me. She drew out a (badly made) picture of it, which I copied onto my arm or hand. I think she told me she lost it around the southwest of the campus. It was worth about two bucks, she said.

So, I explored the campus. I picked up a few bad habits from the students, like climbing up the side of the stairs on this one building instead of walking up the stairs. I think it was Chris Scorsone I saw do that. (He was a clown and an idiot I was acquainted with in middle school/high school) I ate lunch, and looked for the pen when I was done.

As the day went on Avery informed me about the tradition for new people. That is, you went to this party, and you didn't make eye contact for as long as possible. You didn't look at people. The longer you went, the more awesome you were.

So I went to the party, and did not make eye contact by keeping my head down. Avery didn't come for some reason. After I stayed a reasonable amount of time, I left and went looking for that girl's pen in the dark. I must have had a flashlight, but I don't remember holding one. A few people had followed me out, and were trying to get me to look at them. I kept my head down and answered their questions as civilly as possible. The crowd sort of got bigger and bigger as people waited for me to trip up (and tried to help me trip up).

I went to one of the academic buildings, and went through all the classrooms, looking for that pen. I ended up picking up like four kinds of pens, and maybe $3.15 in change as I traipsed through maybe twenty classrooms. In each classroom, I knocked, walked in with my head down, and greeted the occupant teacher. If there was a response, I explained what was going on, and searched their classroom. When people got in my face, trying to mess me up, I shut my eyes and used my memory of the immediate area around me to navigate away from them.

The last place I visited wasn't a classroom. It was a pub. I don't know why it was around the corner from the classrooms, but it was, and the scenery had changed to inner city. I walked through there, not bothering to explain myself, but felt my focus on not looking at people start to fail me. I found myself nearly looking at people, despite having my head down. About the middle of my circuit through the bar, there was this little kid with short curly hair. I think his skin was a bit darker than usual, but that might have been the light. He looked up at me, so I looked sideways. Then he asked some question... I think it had to do with the music playing in the bar. And I just gave up, looked at him, and answered his question.

None of the students had come in with me, so I finished my search in the bar, went outside with my head up, and looked at one of the male students following me. He noticed and said, "Oh! That didn't count." I told him I'd messed up in the bar already, so it didn't matter. The sky was starting to get bright again with sunrise, and the people followed absorbed my mess up and the sky, and most of them drifted away. I felt kind of bad, 'cause I hadn't found the pen yet.

As I was walking to get breakfast, I passed some administrators out on a plastic picnic table. I listened to them talk for a bit, then mentioned I'd picked up a few bad habits already from the students. (This fit into their conversation, really). One administrator was reminiscent of Mr. Foye. I left there after hearing their responses and went onward towards breakfast. Then I noticed people were paralleling me, watching me. Among the group was Joe from Walmart, which made me nervous because I was afraid he was going to try to ask me out again, and Avery, who had been absent all night and who I assume had a restful night of sleep, since he skipped the party. I took care to keep an eye on that group, because Joe from Walmart made me really uneasy. And hey, being followed for unknown reasons makes me uneasy too.

I went through an outdoor gym area. They were doing sprint races or something, pitting students against each other for amusement's sake. I think I stopped to hear the gym teacher talk (he or she was vaguely familiar- maybe a mix of a lot of gym teachers I knew in school) There was a track in a wide open field on one side of the starting ramp. Sort of like the high fields near DeVos and the Prince Conference Center at Calvin, only with a track in the middle. I think there was a swimming pool on the other side. Anyway, as I finished listening to the teacher talking, I woke up.

Stuff 'bout me 'cause Lou got me on Facebook...

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 18:25:18 GMT

You've been tagged. If you are reading this, please copy all these goofy questions, writing your own response, and tag 25 other victims. Tag me to, so really you just need 24 more people. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you - but not in a creepy stalker kind of way.

To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your PROFILE page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your title as "Getting to know each other!", tag 25 people including me (tagging is done in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.

1. What time did you get up this morning?
7:54 AM- my clock runs fast.

2. How do you like your steak?
Kindly treated from birth to death. After that, medium rare. Unless you're talking about getting one around the Northeast, where medium rare means "dripping red." In which case I prefer medium well.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
UP! It was fun. I had a good time talking with Joe.

4. What is your favorite TV show?
Firefly.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
Eh... I guess I'd probably want to live somewhere on the West Coast. The weather's nicer there.

6. What did you have for breakfast?
Mostly Cheerios, with a bit of cinnamon Life on top for flavor. In skim milk. And a strawberry yogurt on the side.

7. What foods do you dislike?
Quite a few veggies, sadly. I also dislike balut on principle. And curry. I really don't do hot stuff that well, I guess.

8. Favorite Place to Eat?
Noodles. Cheap *and* delicious. :D

9. Favorite dressing?
Ehh... I actually don't use dressing on salad anymore. It used to be ranch, though.

10. What kind of vehicle do you drive?
1997 maroon Ford Taurus. Nothing flashy.

11. What are your favorite clothes?
The kind that don't cut off my circulation, preferably with lots of pockets.

12. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
Do I have to pick one? I need to get to Japan at some point. Portland, Oregon as well. Possibly England. Maybe Austin, Texas, also.

13. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
Needs refilling, either way. Seriously, I'm not singularly optimistic or pessimistic. I have both, along with some cynicism, idealism, and the particularly stupid brand of optimism that'll hope against all hope.

14. Where would you want to retire?
Meh. Maybe somewhere on the West Coast. Or, if I get good enough with Japanese, Japan would be nice. Or, if Ipvy ever gets around to conquering the world, I'll settle down to rule New Zealand quietly for him.

15. Favorite time of day?
Early morning (if I'm not dead tired) and late afternoon. They both have this amazing golden sunlight I love.

16. Where were you born?
Some hospital in the Twin Cities, Minnesota.

17. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Fencing!

18. Who do you think will not tag you back?
Haven't a clue.

19. Person you expect to tag you back first?
Dunno, don't care, really.

20. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
I haven't even decided who I'm tagging yet. :P

21. Bird watcher?
Sometimes, but it's not really a hobby so much as an occasional pastime when I'm bored.

22. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Definitely a night person.

23. Do you have any pets?
One red albino cornsnake, who recently stopped starving himself. ^_^

24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
What is this, the gossip panel?

25. What did you want to be when you were little?
It varied. I never really settled on one thing.

26. What is your best childhood memory?
Best? Meh, my memories aren't that organized. I do recall biking to the Northwest Racquet Club fondly. All by myself, a couple miles, and then I could have my run of this big athletic club. They had a pool and weight lifting machines, ping pong tables, racquetball rooms... even an indoor track, unless my memory deceives me. Anyway, I loved the place.

27. Are you a cat or dog person?
Eh. I like animals. Both cats and dogs have their problems and awesomenesses. I'll take either, really.

28. Are you married?
Nope.

29. Always wear your seat belt?
Yep. I don't really feel safe in the car otherwise.

30. Been in a car accident?
Not really, no. Doubt a rear-ending counts, neh?

31. Dirty dishes in the sink when I wake up in the morning?
If there are, they're not mine.

32. Favorite Pizza Toppings?
Pepperoni (which I can't have anymore) with pineapple. Mmm...

33. Favorite Flower?
I like Forget-Me-Nots, but I don't really have a favorite.

34. Favorite ice cream?
Cake Batter, curse you Calvin College. Sooo tasty!

35. Favorite fast food restaurant?
Dun really have one.

36. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
Once. I ran a stop sign that was the most faded piece of crap I'd ever seen. They replaced it within the next month, the bastards.

37. From whom did you get your last email?
Er... I think it was from Twitter, telling me some spambot wanted to follow my nonexistent updates.

38. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
No credit card.

39. Do anything spontaneous lately?
Eh, not really.

40. Like your job?
Meh. I volunteer. I just got back from the one I don't really like (the pound). The library's not bad.

41. Broccoli?
Fortified with vitamins and minerals. I don't like it, but I eat it.

42. What was your favorite vacation?
Grandpa and Grandma VA's 50th anniversary got us a week in Cancun. Good times.

43. Last person you went out to dinner with?
Er... Must have been my parents. Sunday dinner thing.

44. What are you listening to right now?
Squeakings of the house, birds outside, and the music in my head.

45. What is your favorite color?
Blue

46. How many tattoos do you have?
Zero.

47. How many are you tagging for this quiz?
Said to do 25, right? So 25.

48. What time did you finish this quiz?
Why is this not the last question? I'm not done yet...

49. Coffee Drinker?
Nope, I likes my tea.

50. What foods do you dislike?
Did I not answer this question back at the beginning? (checks) Yes, I did. Question 7. Bah.

Revelation of the day?

Sat, 25 Jul 2009 01:21:39 GMT

Today's thought:

Telling a person with anxiety problems to relax is like telling a person on fire to calm down. It just doesn't work.

why would you mix Castlevania with Gundam Wing and Wolfenstein, anyway?

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 11:08:23 GMT

Yeah, so.... dream time.

I went to a mall for some reason, with some people I can't remember. I looked through the bookstore, saw the new Harry Potters books, but didn't have enough money to buy them. Wait, what? Yeah, somehow there were new Harry Potter books. They were orange. I have no idea. After that, I saw this video game and started playing it.

You physically walked through the game, and you had one button to shoot. Thing was, to shoot, you had to point the button, which was attached to some kind of plastic sheet, at another part of that plastic sheet, which was apparently a grid of the area. It was stupidly hard to use. I think I ended up running from most of the enemies, which were zombies and werewolves. For some reason, Lexi from D&D, (who also writes Evil Plan, a really good comic), was one of the last enemies I ran into.

I managed to shoot most of the nasties on the last level, which was in a huge mansion, but then I ran out of time somehow... previously I don't think the levels were timed, but this one was, and since it took like four shots to kill each enemy, it took forever. Anyway, I ran out of time. I guess I was supposed to bury some werewolf under the rug in the dog room. Why would you have a special dog room? Bah.

Celebrity...

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 17:21:53 GMT

What is it about celebrity and being famous that makes us shut our brains off and not regard the person in question as a person? Is it the awe? The knowledge beforehand that we likely won't ever see the person again? Why is it that when we see a famous person, we think of them only in that context, and shut our brains to what kind of person they are, what they think about themselves, their hopes, their dreams, and so on? Why do we limit ourselves so?

I noticed this effect many years ago, probably the during one of the first times I came into contact with someone I considered famous. Having recognized it, and recognized the person was also a person, I worked to allow myself to set it aside, to see past fame's aura and look at the person him or herself. This is something that must be done consciously, however. I am still susceptible to blinding myself to a person, merely because they are famous.

I can't seem to figure it out. Why do we do this?

Yay, random thought

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 19:13:53 GMT

I was shelving books at WA's library when amidst the others, some theory books about WWIII already having been fought came up. As I glanced over them dismissively, it occurred to me that perhaps... just perhaps.... WWIII has begun and is being fought right this second. It's a tireless sort of war, mainly fought by idiots and people with too much time. But there are few armies in this war. The only objective is to be right, and battle after battle is fought on every subject. Yep, that's right. WWIII is being fought on the Internet.

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 08:27:49 GMT

Caution: not for the faint of heart.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=200249100507&ref=nf

For those that don't want to watch/didn't understand what they saw: This is a video of a girl watching the protest in Iran with her father. A basij member on the roof of a civilian house shot her directly in the heart. There was a doctor onhand, so he tried to save her, but there was no chance she could be saved from something like that. She died in less than two minutes, despite all the desperate hands that tried to stem her blood.

I've studied Psychology for awhile now. When things like this happen, I always ask why. Why would people be in this situation at all? Why would someone shoot an innocent girl in the heart? I keep thinking back to something in Theories of Personality... "Misery and Stupidity"- the causes of mental illnesses, according to one theorist. But really, it's fear and stupidity that cause things like this. And fear and stupidity are often so inexorably linked in humans.

the King Arthur and and Castlevania dream

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 11:19:46 GMT

Next dream. This time I was some kind of man. Not quite middle aged, I don't think. I was going through some kind of castle, much like the game Castlevania. There were a bunch of rooms, and all of them were combat except for these two... one which was a karate class directly from my time at Mike Bogdanski's, including me as an orange belt. The classes never taught stealth, ways of sneaking, or use of chemicals/explosives in real life, though. I am not kidding when I say at some point I saw a broken battery and some whitish powdery substance they cleaned up really fast before people could touch it.

The other noncombat room, I had to go steal some sword without being seen. Mainly the weapons I used were swords. I think there were at least two or three, including the final sword. The final sword, was, as the title may suggest, highly reminiscent of Excalibur. I don't know how I knew that, since I don't really know what it looked like. Just that it was like Excalibur, might have even been Excalibur. I got it from behind a statue, so heck if I know. To get into some of the rooms, I had to go consult and oracle, who kept giving me weird prophecies. But the doors wouldn't open if I didn't go bother her.

Anyway, I was going through this castle thing, and there was a room of zombies (who creeped me out even in my dream), only some of them look like Gollum and moved just as fast. I could disintegrate them if I had the right sword, which I only got at the end of game, I think. It was a very fancy sword and I got it just before the final battle the first time. One of my other foes couldn't move if I had that final sword. He was reading a book and made an Odyssey reference or something to taunt me me, "Poor man" or whatever, when I walked by later.

The second time I went through the game, I started at the end and had to work backwards. So I got the best weapon in the game and avoided the final boss room like the plague, 'cause I didn't have much HP. I went and destroyed a few of the zombies, then left because, as I said, they were creepy and some of them looked like Gollum. I kept having to sneak by the rest of the rooms, because if the inhabitants would wake up I was screwed due to how little health I had.

I think I'd almost gotten back to the karate class when my alarm went off.

next dream

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 14:58:48 GMT

Today's dream was something like a mix between an zombie apocalypse and an exploratory game.

It began with me as me, with a group of people. We'd been traversing the city mainly on foot, which included jumping into trains, riding atop them, and walking a lot. It was a big city, but I guess the only way across the rivers was to risk getting hit by train, or to catch a ride on one... legally or illegally. I damaged my computer some in jumping into one of the trains... lost a bunch of the key covers. There was a good while where I was just trying to pick them all up, and I kept finding ones that were the wrong color (blue. Why the frick were my key covers blue?). A couple times (in the same place!) I missed my jump at this one point and fell into water still holding my computer. Anyway, eventually we got to our cars and drove to this shopping mall.

I, then became some kind of James Bond-ly athletic person, walking through the mall alone, when giant purple snake things began biting people and turning them into giant purple snake things. I think some of my friends got bitten. I avoided being bitten by sheer acrobatic and athletic skill. Victoria from Calvin was suddenly there and I told her what happened to my computer. She explained that the DVD player and speakers wouldn't work any more, but the rest of it should be fine. I checked, and this was so according to my Dashboard. As I took the elevator down, it kind of shuddered slammed down on something soft, then rose up again, slammed down, rose up... The elevator was trying to smush one of the purple snake things, which was apparently so resilient, it wasn't dying.

I wrenched the doors open and made a run for it. I got to my car and drove away, and some strange aliens (vaguely human, but taller, with sharper, pointier teeth) were cleaning up the road to and from the shopping mall. It was covered with slime, I guess. From the purple snake things. I drove away at reckless speeds, and everyone let me by... until I nearly hit a couple of the strange humanlike aliens. They had dismissed me and more or less gotten out of my way, except that when I nearly hit one, I slowed and apologized. Then they said, "You're not from around here, are you?" And one of them came after me. Suddenly, my vehicle was open air... maybe it was a motorcycle.

There was a short chase, and he ended up biting me and then falling back. But his bite didn't break the skin. He grinned at me and said something along the lines of "Welcome, brother," and went back to his group. My character then considered the events, and said, "This is where humanity will make its stand." Meaning we would join with the slave class that looks mildly human. Then I woke up. I'm not sure why that was a better idea than being snake people, but the character was darned certain it was.

I steal from Anna.

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 04:06:08 GMT

彡 TECHNOLOGY
Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
This really crazy design I made in GIMP while at Kevan's house.

Q. How many televisions do you have in your house?
My parent's house has one TV. My dorm room had none, on purpose. I think TV is a waste of time. Anything good can be watched on ones computer, for free, if not legally.

彡 BIOLOGY
Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Right-handed.

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Err... a couple precancerous growths and possibly a tooth or two.

Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
40 lb bag of dirt for my mom. That or the entire contents of my room.

Q. Have you ever been knocked out?
Nope. And don't try.

彡 BULLSHITOLOGY
Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
...I guess so. It would influence how I'd live my life, to be sure.

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
I have no idea. I don't pay attention to stuff like that.

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item?
Um, yeah, probably.

彡 DAREOLOGY
Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
Sure, I guess.

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
That's a toughie. I like my fingers. If it was assured I'd get the money and wouldn't suffer any more than was strictly necessary, I'd seriously consider it.

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
No. I keep my sanity this way, sometimes. My sanity and the continuation of my progress to becoming a better person is far more important to me than money.

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
...No. No one needs to see that.

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1,000?
Nope.

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
No.

彡 DUMBOLOGY
Q. What is in your left pocket?
Nada

Q. Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
Eh, yeah, I guess.

Q. Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
It's all carpet except for a few places that are tiled or wood. But it's mainly carpet.

Q. Do you sit or stand in the shower?
I stand.

Q. How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
None.

彡 LASTOLOGY
Q. Last person who texted you?
My phone doesn't accept text messages.

Q. Last person who called you?
Er... It was probably Rob. He was coming to loan me the book "Paper Towns" which he really likes.

Q. Person you hugged?
Must have been my mom.

彡 CURRENTOLOGY
Q. Missing someone?
in specific? Not really...

Q. Mood?
Bored, somewhat thoughtful.

Q. Listening to?
Noir music, "Like a Prayer"-Madonna, and Kanashimi, from Denno Coil

Q. Watching?
Well, it's not actually playing, but I was watching Fumoffu before I fell asleep at noon.

Q. Wearing?
blue shirt, white shorts, socks... really nothing special.

彡 RANDOMOLOGY
Q. First place you went this morning?
I woke up at 9 pm. The first place I went was the bathroom. But the first place I went this morning was probably the living room... I was settling down for some quality quiet time around midnight.

Q. What can you not wait to do?
visit and meet Kriss.

Q. Do you smile often?
not really. I smile when there's reason to smile, but I don't usually walk around smiling.

Q. Are you a friendly person?
I guess not.

today's little dream

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 18:26:13 GMT

Well, today's little dream managed to combine gym class with D&D...

We were playing a game where you defend gold coins under hats from monsters. The monsters would show up, and you'd try to defeat them before they got close enough to lift the hats and steal a coin. When you lost all the coins, you were out.

So... I'd already had some kind of magic power, and I was using/keeping track of it through a device beforehand (I was on the sidelines before, using my powers like an image editor to make a different game more interesting). But then we began this new game, and I was one of the players. So we all spread out, and I ended up in the back of the gym, part of a line of people.

It was hysterical, now that I think about it, because I think I was pulling Accursed-Lands animals as my opponents. I started with lynxes and bobcats and the opponents kept being wild animals. The nastiest one was an owl that apparently could cast lightning strike, and got me for 102 damage. Basically I was just casting magic missile and whatever better spells I could think of by yelling their names. Sadly, magic missile was never enough to drop a single opponent. I have to look up if "Caustic Vapors" is actually a spell. I was trying to say "Vitriolic Sphere" but I tripped on it and said the other instead.

...doesn't look like it's a real spell. Closest thing would be "Cloudkill" and that would be a bad spell to cast in a situation like that. I cast it at close range, and it would very shortly kill me and the people around me if I let it. That's a neat spell. Maybe I should have Elial take it.

To Dance

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 22:30:53 GMT

Sabir Rashalea dances lightly, her silver hair gleaming as she spins. Alone here, in this inn room, she needs not the iron self-control she carefully built over the years. Tears and laughter alike mingle in her consciousness, so she dances: quickly, lightly, and almost without sound at all. No rote pattern shapes her exuberant footsteps, merely the remembered past and the hopeful future.

Ducking and weaving, sidestepping and strafing, her eyes bright with emotion, she touches every inch of the floor. As the surge of feelings abates, she draws a pair of daggers, and her step begins to fall into practiced forms. Without a pause, she improvises from one pattern to the next, each movement both graceful and deadly. Now she lunges, now flips insouciantly away, the bright steel flashing in beautiful counterpoint to her hair.

As the last pattern finishes, she throws the matched daggers into the air almost recklessly, and just as swiftly draws two more. Deftly, without even blinking, she pitches these up as well, fielding the first two just in time. Without letting even a moment pass, the daggers fly up again, and she soon establishes a rhythm. Once again, she begins her footwork, slowly at first, but gaining speed.

Back and forth around the room she races, daring time itself to stop and bear witness to her mastery. Over her head and so briefly in her hands, the black and silver daggers sparkle in their paths, tracing barely visible tracks through the empty air. Faster and faster she whirls, high thrust to low parry, dancing with a thousand enemies.

As the last opponent falls, she falls into a crouch, lobbing the held daggers lightly into the air. Quick as a viper, she catches each as it falls, ending with two daggers in each hand, arms crossed in front of her. Her chest rises and falls quickly from the exertion, but her eyes shine with determination and exultation.

Tiny scars

Wed, 06 May 2009 20:51:56 GMT

I should be working on my homework right now, but recently I've looking at my arms. I gave blood yesterday, so there's a little poke mark on my left arm to match the one on my right, from the last time. If you look very carefully at the inside of my elbows, you can see a myriad of little, slightly shiny poke marks. Old scars, from donations before.

It's hard to tell, looking at them now, what they were. It's hard to pick them out from the natural creases in my skin. But they're there. Five of them, at least, on the left arm alone. Not including the newest one, which is fading to a dull red. It will turn brown, and then fade away entirely, given enough time.

It makes the homework seem kind of pointless, in comparison. Well, maybe not pointless, but not nearly as important as Calvin would make it.

A new viewpoint on heaven and hell

Mon, 04 May 2009 02:57:32 GMT

So, I finally asked my pastor about the whole unbelievers going to hell thing.

It's bothered me for awhile, since I have some atheist friends I really care about. I don't want to see them burn. I wouldn't forget them in heaven, and if I didn't see them, I'd know where they were. And that would make me sad. Sadness won't exist in heaven. So I'm forced to conclude either God would change me and my memories, or God isn't sending people to hell left and right.

I learned a perspective from Rob awhile ago, one that has bothered me ever since he mentioned it. Ipvy brought it up later, and reminded me. God, as some people see him, is an interdimensional lawyer. If you don't do what he tells you, follow all these little rules and such, you go to hell. If you don't meet specific criteria, you go to hell. And since he created you, he has that right. And that, if you ask me, is a jerk.

I don't see God that way. But I can't figure out a way to express how I see it differently. So I asked my pastor. He's going to give me a book to read, but his short answer was that he believes, based on his careful reading of the Bible and other scholars, that only unbelievers who reject him go to hell. Meaning they've had the chance to know him, and have decided against him.

This theory is much more fitting with my sense of morality and truth than either my parents' or my own theory, and any I've heard so far. I suspect the pastor probably simplified his viewpoint, since he was in a hurry, but I'm hopeful that this translation of the Bible is accurate. It's very hard to know. But I don't believe my loving God would throw that many good people in hell.

65 Questions You've Probably Never Been Asked

Sun, 03 May 2009 18:35:05 GMT

...you know the rules. tag people in this note (including the person who tagged you. Copy & paste then change the answers.

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
That'd be my hair.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Grey, with pink letting that reads "2nd Veenstra."

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yeah, but it might be awkward.

4. Do you plan outfits?
Nope! I just make sure what I grab doesn't clash horribly.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
I have a mild headache and ice cream. I'm anxious and thoughtful and tired and stressed. But nothing major has gone wrong today. So I'm all right. :)

6. Whats the closest thing to you that is red?
Excluding possible TMI answers, there's a nice little bag of candy-coated popcorn I still haven't eaten about a foot away, and some of those are red.

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
Um, the last really cool one has its own entry. The last one I remember is probably me trying to continue the storyline I was reading in the comic PS238, before I got to today's comic.

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Uh, formally? No. Informally, yeah, there was this nice Asian lady next to us in church. Oh wait, actually, I think I was formally introduced to Kelise's aunt and uncle.

9. What are you craving right now?
human contact, oddly enough.

10. Do you floss?
Yep, it makes my dentist happy.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
I don't eat it. So not much, other than I'm not eating it.

12. Are you emotional?
I'm like a Vulcan. Only one of those ones that's actually trying to feel emotions. Thankfully, nothing's gone horribly, horribly wrong yet.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Yes, but I think I skipped numbers.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
I like it most of the time. Makes it last longer.

15. Do you like your hair?
Yes, but it hates me.

16. Do you like yourself?
Eh, I'm all right. I'm not as awful as I could be.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
...probably, just to see how badly the media screwed up his personality for the public. I don't like him, but I might be able to learn something from him.

18. What are you listening to right now?
Existence in Progress, by Icon of Coil. Kriss introduced me to Icon of Coil awhile ago, and I got into it. This isn't one of my favorite songs, but it's not bad.

19. Are your parents strict?
No, they trust my judgement on most things.

20. Would you go sky diving?
Yeah, but I'd rather go hang gliding. Anything that gets me in the air, though, I'll take.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Yeah, s'tasty enough. I had some this morning.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Don't think so. I've been near some famous people, but actually meeting them doesn't usually happen.

23. Do you rent movies often?
Psh, no.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
Um, well... there's a crystal in the window. Some glitter in my box of oddness, for annoying people with. A bottle of sparkly nail polish, for the once a year I feel like painting my nails.

25. How many countries have you visited?
That'd be Canada and Mexico, so two. Aren't I special.

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
Yeah, I think it might have been funny, but we just hung up, didn't actually say anything.

27. Ever been on a train?
Yeah, sometimes we take Amtrak to get places. It's all right.

28. Brown or white eggs?
Brown, the shells are thicker. There's no difference in taste, though. Just depends on the breed of chicken.

29.Do you have a cell-phone?
Yeah, but don't text me on it. I won't get the messege.

30. Do you use chap stick?
I have eternally chapped lips. Yes, I use chapstick.

31. Do you own a gun?
No. I do have a nice little sword collection, though.

32. Can you use chop sticks?
Yeah, but not the way the Asians would prefer they be used. My grip is wrong.

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
Myself, most likely.

34. Are you too forgiving?
No. I give you a fair chance. Then I give you a second chance if what you did to me didn't completely destroy me. Then it sucks for you. For little things, I'm willing to forgive a lot, but there comes a point at which I just won't rely on you for something.

35. Ever been in love?
Not sure anymore. I would have said yes easily if you asked me a year ago. Define love before you ask me this.

36. What is/are your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
Going to class, working on homework, and studying for finals.

37. Ever have cream puffs?
Yep, for some reason this Chinese buffet in Pittsburgh had them. Yummy.

38. Last time you cried?
Um, yesterday. Or today, actually. I'm not the happiest person on Earth, I think.

39. What was the last question you asked?
Probably asking my suitemate whether she had her card... she lost it earlier today and we found it.

40. Favorite time of the year?
Spring after it gets warm.

41. Do you have any tattoos?
Nope, can't figure out what I'd get. Haven't seen any good designs I'd want.

42. Are you sarcastic?
I am fluent, thanks.

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
No, but I probably should.

44. Ever walked into a wall?
Yep. I was not paying attention. Probably reading a book.

45. Favorite color?
Blue.

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Across the face? No.

47. Is your hair curly?
Nope, it's a bit wavy, though.

48. What was the last CD you bought?
Some random ambient music, themed around whalesong.

49. Do looks matter?
Sadly, they do. Personally, I'm so oblivious, I usually don't notice how people look or if they've changed their hair or whatever. I care only about peoples' personality, values, etc.

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Never had to try. Probably, but I wouldn't forget.

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
Nope. I have a prepay phone.

52. Do you like your life right now?
...eh. It could be worse. Which is to say, no, but I like it better than I like some of the situations I've been in.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on
No, waste of electricity and the light would keep me up.

54. Can you handle the truth?
Why do you think I'm a pessimist? I'd rather be right than happy. There are some truths out there that are horrible depressing. Could I handle every truth out there? Probably not. Could I handle most of it? Yeah. Try me.

55. Do you have good vision?
Heh, no, but mine's still correctable with glasses, thankfully.

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
...No. I don't. I make a point of not hating people. If I don't like them, I ignore them.

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
As little as possible. I don't like talking on the phone.

58. The last person you held hands with?
Um... Mighta been Kelise. I was helping her get up. If we're talking actual romantic held hands, I think it's been over six months. Probably Avery.

59. What are you wearing?
A dark blue Tshirt and light khaki cargo shorts.

60. What is your favorite animal?
Tough question. I like most animals. My undisputed favorite fish is the sunfish. I'm not sure about animals over all.

61. Where was your default picture taken at?
Default picture? I think it just took my profile picture when I was bored. My computer has a camera.

62. Can you hula hoop?
For about three seconds.

63. Do you have a job?
Not right now. I'm in the market, though.

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Probably gas for my car.

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yeah, a few times. In CT it was sometimes my only way to get into the house after school. Boy was that awkward.

the frick?

Fri, 01 May 2009 08:46:15 GMT

The frick kind of neck pain keeps you from sleeping??! Seriously, this is not cool. No position I lie in does not hurt.

quick note

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 03:57:24 GMT

I think I need to find ways of calming myself down. I've been noticing I've been having harder and harder times focusing, and I've described it as being filled with nervous static, buzzing loudly. Trying to focus on something I don't like through that is nearly impossible. My attention slides sideways. I made a list of ten things a couple days ago that were stressing me out, and I don't think I got everything there, either.

I'll survive. I must. The question is whether I'll survive with passing grades.

At some point in time...

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 01:50:22 GMT

At some point, someone is going to look at this new handwritten Zondervan Bible. They're going to look at Nehemiah 9:30, and ask themselves, "What creepy weird person's handwriting is that?"

And that will be my bad handwriting, mixed with the calligraphy I learned inn middle school. It was to make it more legible. :P